On January 2, 2008, KISS guitarist and vocalist Gene Simmons filed to protect the trademark Gene Simmons Wet in relation to “bottled spring water, bottled drinking water and bottled flavored water drinks”.
Its not surprising that Simmons, a tireless and self-promoter, wants a piece of the bottled water business. But “Gene Simmons Wet”? Mork wonders if its going to taste like plain water, or like a salty, hairy Jewish guy (Simmons’ birth name is Chaim Witz). Tasty!
Mork also found that Gene Simmons has registered the trademark Zipper in relation to . But he’s also registered Zipper in relation to a variety of “adult sexual aids” including:
“artificial penises, penis enlargers, vibrators, benwa balls, artificial vaginas, electric vibrating massagers, penis rings, butt plugs, penis erection rings, penis pumps, masturbation sleeves, anal beads and balls, condoms, electric massage apparatus and instruments, dildos, glass dildos, clitoral stimulators, and nipple clamps; adult sex toys and novelties, namely, imitation sexual organs, and life-sized dolls used in sexual activity”
So, if your kid tells you he’s going out to pick up a Gene Simmons Zipper, just ask him (or her) what exactly they’re talking about. Good parent.
Read more: KISS Asylum - Gene Simmons Wet
Read more: timesunion.com/Dowd On Drinks - Only if I can wipe the bottle first
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